This post is going to be raw and as real as I can get through words. Self-doubt can kill your dreams. Let me further explain…
I haven’t written in a while for focusing on editing my manuscript. I am doing my best to read it with ‘fresh eyes’, but as the author I can only disconnect so much. I am doubting my ability to make it flawless (in my eyes).
This self-doubt stems from the confidence issues I’ve had most of my life. You can tell me positive things about myself, but I won’t fully believe you.
This rings true in MANY aspects of my life. It is also a struggle that my wonderful husband helps me to cope with daily. He listens to me complain, second guess, and cry about all the things I wish I could be.
Then he tells me all the things I am to him and our girls. He tells me how proud he is of me and how proud I should be to put my novel out there.
But I haven’t yet gotten that validation from a stranger, so it doesn’t hit quite the same. Even as my husband, he has never told me what I want to hear but only what I need to hear.
I know in my mind that I am enough in every sense of the word. But I don’t always feel it in my heart.
I see so many people struggling with mental health and awareness since the pandemic. Male, female, however you identify…self-doubt knows no stranger. Depression knows no stranger. Anxiety knows no stranger.
No matter what your struggles are, remember that YOU are enough. See yourself the way God sees you. Place your burdens on Him. Yes, the struggles will still be there, but He equips you with what you need to make it through.
I want to be the woman who doesn’t need validation from anyone else. I want to believe in myself the way my friends and family do. And, with taking small steps, I can.
I tell my daughters and my students that they can be anything they put their minds to. If I feed that confidence to them, then I should be able to believe it myself.
With that being said, I’d like to reintroduce myself to y’all. I’m Nicole Barnes and I struggle with anxiety and depression. It will not defeat me. It will no longer control me. I AM ENOUGH!